I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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