Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Randomize
