Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
