Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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