Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
