He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Randomize
