i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
