i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
