I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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