What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
