Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
