maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
