umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
