Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
