So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
