just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she told me i tasted like america
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
