Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
