shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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