Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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