my vag is so smooth its legendary
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
