distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
