I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
