so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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