great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
