The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
