You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
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I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
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So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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