Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
