How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
