someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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