In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
