I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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