I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
