Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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