its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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