worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
