no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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