mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
