he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
