I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
