HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
