I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
