I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Never underestimate the power of titties
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
