can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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