i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
