But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
