Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
