I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
