My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
from now on my penis is your penis
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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