The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
