Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
