I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
