Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
