its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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