Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
