he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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