I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I look better un-naked...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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