he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
