I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
