I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
