My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
