I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
