I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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