Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
