omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
