Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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