How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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