Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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