dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
