1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree