I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
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they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
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Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care