At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
