Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
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I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
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We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste