Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?