your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
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Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
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What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.